Kink play is a common way for couples to engage in a new form of intimacy. It’s not just for freaky folks, the average, everyday married couple will benefit from a little vanilla bondage play. Here’s how you can try it while experiencing the high erotic sensations of sensory play.
Why should we try bondage play?
Bondage play is about so much more than just dominance / submissive roles. It encompasses sensory stimulation, which in my opinion, is far more erotic.
To be blindfolded and have a feather tickler brushed lightly across the body is highly stimulating – the fact that the sense of sight is removed amplifies the sense of touch. Now contrast the feather tickler with a light crack of a riding crop whip and the harsh sensation feels highly arousing.
So essentially, restricting senses amplifies the others a d when taken into sexual overtones, it’s highly erotic and one of my favorite reasons for couples to try bondage play at home.
What’s the difference between kinky and vanilla?
The term “Kinky” is derived from the word “kink”, which means bent or twisted. The term “vanilla” implies basic, standard and simple.
So adding some “kink” to your “vanilla” sex life essentially means you are adding something different to the ordinary.
Some people think “kinky” means scary or freaky, but that’s not necessarily true. Average everyday couples can benefit from adding a little bit of kink just to make sex more interesting and break away from the routine that eventually settles in once we are in a loving and established relationship.
Why is aftercare especially important after kinky sex?
When exploring kinky play, boundaries are often pushed, for example, one of the most popular kinky fantasies is sex with a large dildo. For many people, it feels erotic and sexually exciting to penetrate the vagina with something thicker than the average penis.
In this case, it is essential to use lots of lube to prevent friction between the toy and your skin to prevent the vagina entrance from overstretching or possibly tearing.
What are 3 kinky sex ideas couples you recommend couples try in the bedroom and why?
1. Role play is very exciting. It does not have to be a complicated story either, simply the famous tale incorporating the pizza delivery person is an easy scene to improvise for adventure and playful fun!
Pretend that your lover is delivering pizza and you don’t have money to pay, so you offer sexual favors in return. Start the story at your front door, and move into the living room and even the kitchen.
Stay out of the bedroom just to shake up the scenery a little bit and make the role play game unique compared to your ordinary sex life that resides in the bedroom.
2. A clitoral stimulator is an excellent way to boost libido and increase sexual arousal. It also helps to prolong foreplay; give the stimulator to your lover and let them tickle & tease your clit as you get revved up. They are in full control of your pleasure!
3. A vibrating ring adds hands free stimulation during penetrative sex. The best part? The deeper you go, the better it feels because the clit vibrator rests at the base of the penis shaft. This is an exciting beginners kinky toy that is easy to use yet encourages deep & intense sex.
Sexual Discovery and your Safety
Sexual discovery is important to learn what our turn-ons are. The truth is that pretty much everyone has a kink of some kind, but often we are too inhibited to explore it. Kinks stay in the subconscious never to be explored and we miss out on a whole world of pleasure because we are too afraid to try something new.
Kink discovery should operate through education. Read about topics that interest you. Read how-to guides and beginners guides to learn about the particular topic. Thanks to the privacy of internet browsing, we can explore kinks in complete discretion.
Another important reason for reading beginners guides is to learn appropriate safety protocols for kinks that could cause bodily harm, such as BDSM or cock and ball torture. You’ll learn about safe words and ways to protect yourself from injury.
Find a trusted sex toy store that has all the accessories – but more importantly – knows how to use them.
Sexy Allure of Withholding
Ruined orgasms is a subset of S&M role play when one partner brings the other close to orgasm, then just before it is about to begin, they stop what they’re doing or distract the person so that the orgasm doesn’t occur, essentially ruining it.
The primary reason couples engage in this type of kink play is not related to the orgasm specifically, rather it is an act of dominance and control. To be the one in charge of brining your partner to orgasm and them denying it to them signifies you are in control. It is up to you to decide when they are allowed to experience the pleasurable release of orgasm.
The partner may beg and plead that their body is craving the surge of orgasm further enforcing the dominance game. As such, denying orgasms is a very popular part of BDSM play. It also prolongs the time of the sexual encounter allowing the couple more time to fully engage in their sexual fantasy.
Media & Pop Culture’s Effect on Kink: Pegging Popularity
Media & pop culture has a significant impact on the development of kink. We don’t know what arouses us until we see it. Our “kinks” are sculpted by what is shown more often in the movies too. Pegging is my current, trending example of a popular partner kink.
For example, back in the 1990’s, movies would portray the ideal woman as skinny and subordinate. In movies these days, we see a more liberated and powerful “take charge” woman that does not need to fit into size small clothes to be attractive.
As such, kink factors have shifted into the female playing a more dominant role. In my experience working behind the scenes at sex toy shops for the past 15 years, role play involving female power has increased in popularity alongside the evolution in the way women are portrayed in the movies.
The act of pegging is the hallmark example. This is the act of a woman strapping on a dildo and performing anal sex on a man. Back in the 90’s, this behavior would be seen as homosexual, but now it is completely acceptable for heterosexuals couples to be involved in this type of kinky sex. It exemplifies how women are taking charge and are equal to men in their relationship.
Just take a look at all the movies that discuss pegging sex. Of course it’s often referred to as a joke in the script, but it’s the fact that the seed is planted for people who are interested in exploring kinky sex to consider pegging, or at least look it up more and find out what it is.